Last night I had the pleasure of listening to a talk given by Jesse Saperstein, author of Atypical: Life with Asperger’s in 20 1/3 Chapters. Mr. Saperstein spoke about some of his challenges growing up on the spectrum as well as how he’s fared as an adult with Asperger’s. He was candid and engaging when recounting his difficulties with transitions, the awful time he had in college, dating and even the occasional inability to keep a job. Yet, he never gave the impression that his life was all bad. As a matter of fact, he said that there were times when it was rather amazing. For example, right after college, he hiked the entire 2000 + miles of the Appalachian Trail.
I was very impressed with this young man’s wisdom and took some of his advice to heart. He stressed the need for parents of children on the spectrum to accustom our kids to managing without aides in different environments. To paraphrase: once they walk through that door after high school, all that support disappears. Mr. Saperstein also advised that we let out children have as many ‘mainstream’ activities as they can handle, let them experience failure in order to learn from the process and to make sure that they understand that their behavior has consequences. A strong work ethic instilled early on is absolutely essential if our kids are to succeed as adults, and while this is true for everyone, it is doubly true for individuals with social disabilities.
I look forward to reading and reviewing Atypical. I just purchased it so the review will be soon. If the book comes anywhere close to being as funny, honest and hopeful as Mr. Saperstein is in person, it will be an incredible read.
Sounds like it was a good talk. I like what he says about basically not training our children to believe that there’s always some support right around the next corner. However, for us, having a son with multiple disabilities, autism being only one, should we take away his aides in (let’s say) a high school (and apparently even middle school) environment, he would be set up for failure and made most especially vulnerable to the teenage bullies. His cerebral palsy throws him off balance, his developmental delays placing him in the mentally disabled category, securely in that category.
We are however, hopeful that one day a logical step would be for us to pull the aides away. That would tell us just how far he’s come.
Thanks for sharing!
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my wife and i have a son about 22. he’s very intelligant, 3.4 gpa when he graduated and then hooked up with some wrong friends and did 6 months in jail. he is now living with us again (does not have the same friends as before) for the past 2 years, graduated college with an a.s. degree in mechanical maintenance technology and is on his way with a good start to be a success. but, we dont know how to say, “we think you have some social issues”, or “you need help, can you please see a phsyciatrist”? the kid is brilliant, is genuinly very good natured but says wrong things at the wrong time…??? he’s been brought up as a christian, so as to have a moraly good foundation but at times disregards repect for others and mostly has no common sense at all when it comes to editic or how should i say it, cooth? um, at times he’s on line and you can actually enjoy his conversation, but at other times, his brain is so stimulated that he wants to talk and not listen to your advice or even what your trying to communicate to him? i guess my question is, how do we ask him to see if something is wrong with his thought process and go to a shrink? how do you say this to your child without him snapping?
It’s a difficult conversation for any parent to have with a child, but complicated all the more by your son being an adult. You might try giving him some articles about signs of Aspergers and autism, or maybe suggest some books on adults with the condition. Ultimately, you might start the conversation by just objectively listing the behaviors you’ve noticed and then pointing out that these could be signs of a larger condition that he may want to explore for the sake of making his own life a little easier. I wish you luck and I hope he’ll eventually find the support that he seems to need.